http://obi-kim.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] obi-kim.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] waltzmatildah 2011-01-10 01:20 am (UTC)

I love what you do with alliteration here. Sometimes it can weigh down a piece (though I think that might be because I get distracted), but something about the structure in this makes it flow. Probably how it goes from abstract to gradually more specific.

I also enjoy what isn't mentioned - who perished, who may have survived yet stayed, what specifically happened to pull them apart. Almost as if the memories of the details are hazy - or conversely, that they're so vivid they don't bare mentioning.

Beautiful!

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