waltzmatildah | fic: we were the victims of ourselves... (Alex, Meredith & Cristina)

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fic: we were the victims of ourselves... (Alex, Meredith & Cristina)

Title: We were the victims of ourselves...
Characters: Alex, Meredith and Cristina (with mentions of Derek, Mark, Lexie and Owen).
Word Count: 1600
Rating: PG
Prompt: From

ovariesofsteel : Love.Tequila.Comfort.Envy.Naked Alex on top. HA! (I may have presumed that final part).
Disclaimer: At my user info. page.
Author's Note: Lyrics and title from 'Kings and Queens', 30 Seconds to Mars.

We were the kings and queens of promise,
we were the victims of ourselves.
Maybe the children of a lesser god,
between heaven and hell.

He pauses in his doorway, the fingers from one hand clenched around the frame, the others paused mid-scratch on his bare stomach. He feels his forehead crease into a frown, thoughts tumbling in some kind of tortuous slow motion that is making it all kinds of impossible to figure out exactly which episode of the twilight zone he's just walked in on.

He manages a somewhat startled huh? that he could have sworn was mostly inside his own head. But it's loud enough to get their attention and two heads, eight, shit, no, what? four eyes turn to face him, seemingly unperturbed by his quicksand like confusion.

Though, to be fair, he spends most of his days in a drug addled haze of confused vague-ness at the moment, that they seem unsurprised by it now is probably more the result of habituation than anything else.

He's greeted with one smile and one smirk and he responds in the only way he knows how.

"Duuuude..."

He notes with some disappointment that his fingers are still wrapped tightly around the wooden frame of his door. He's beginning to think he'll never again stand upright without the aid of a solid structure to hold him there and honestly, he's more than just a little sick and tired of how pathetic that feels.

"Are you okay?"

Meredith is looking at him with her usual level of cautious concern. It's been her permanent mask for more weeks than he can count now and he's starting to find remembering how she used to look infinitely more difficult than it should be.

He nods automatically. She's not the only one with a default these days.

"Seriously?" Cristina appears to have opted for a more antagonistic approach. Just for something different. "Because I'm kinda disappointed by your lack of reaction. You can't tell me that having two hot women in your bed at once is a regular occurence..."

"Hot women? Where? I don't see any..." He gives the room an exaggerated once over, but his rebuttal is lacking. In bite and strength and volume and a whole host of other fighting words that he's half convinced leaked out of him alongside the vast majority of his total blood volume.

Maybe he'll find them all back there, soaked into the carpet.

"What are you doing here?" The clouds are beginning to part somewhat at the seams and while the appearing sky is far from blue he's definitely starting to see the brighter side of this rare occasion.

"Well, I was waiting for you-"

"And I wanted to talk to Mere-"

"And I decided to wait in here-"

"And when I got to her room there was just McDreamy in all his far from mcdreamy 'don't you know I was shot in the chest' glory-"

"And then she walked past your door-"

"And Mere called out to me-"

"And now here we both are... waiting for you-"

"I'm not waiting for him, I'm talking to you... It just so happens that I'm doing it here-"

"Oh, right. I'm waiting for you. She's talking to me."

As if it's the most normal thing in the world.

"And you're both in my bed." A statement, not a question. He's learned never to question that. "Sweet."

He releases his hold on the door frame. Tries to fake a degree of confidence that he absolutely does not feel as he begins the journey from the hallway to his bed. A little more awake now and a lot more self conscious. The jarring damage is still mostly covered in thick gauze but the adjacent bruising is pretty spectacular, a technicolour reminder of his near miss that he could definitely do without.

Cristina eyes him cautiously. Ever the surgeon. The silent scrutiny tumbles around in his gut. Fights for prime position amid all the insecurity and self loathing that have taken up a tentative place there.

But his best defence has always been attack.

"Coming through..."

His path to the middle of the bed is un-athletic to say the least. With one arm wrapped around his ribs and the other shaky at best, it's slow going and frequently punctuated with pained grunts that he can't quite manage to morph into coughs or lewd suggestions.

Try as he might.

He still doesn't really get how he got to here but he's never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

And this gift horse has come baring hot chicks and booze.

"Tequila?" It's taken him 'til now to spot it. A sure sign of his complete incapacitation. "What are we celebrating?"

In the acid rain fallout of the shooting there's been dead babies to contend with and absent girlfriends to get over and post surgical complications to beat into submission. There is no celebrating any of that and all three of them know it.

Know it with a heavy-weight certainty that would eat them alive. If they let it. If they hadn't all been there before.

In one way or another.

"Cristina broke up with Owen." And you can always rely on Meredith to be matter of fact and a little less than sensitive.

"Again?"

"Yes again. And you do not get to judge me, mister 'my girlfriend dumped me for the man who saved my life'... and we are not celebrating..." Alex watches a look pass between the two girls. He can't quite decipher it beyond the surface level annoyance but he guesses there's more to this story than he's ever likely to have explained to him.

Thank god.

He pulls the bottle from Cristina's lap. Twirls the cool glass around in his fingertips.

"Why'd you waste your money on the classy stuff?" he comments, reading the label with raised eyebrows. "You know we're not even gonna taste it after the first shot anyway..."

"Hey!" And the bottle is wrenched from his grasp. "We nothing, mister," Meredith counters. "No tequila for you. I didn't read anywhere on your pain meds 'best taken with half a bottle of hard liquor' and I'm not in the mood to clean up your vomit. So, no tequila for you."

Cristina reaches a hand across him and wraps it around the bottle. Tugs it back from where Meredith has confiscated it and twists the screw top open.

"Nope, no tequila for the drugged up dude with the hole in his chest. Which just means more for me and my sad, sad life..."

She punctuates her proclamation with a noisy swig. Uses the back of her hand to wipe the excess off her lips before wiping that off onto his sheets.

"Hey! Bitch."

And not even he is sure whether he's talking more about the drinking in front of him or the wiping her saliva onto where he has to sleep.

“Oh, shut up. In half an hour you won't even remember this happened at all...”

And he knows from experience that she's probably right.

The aforementioned pain meds are actually overdue and Meredith is looking at him like she knows this despite the fact that she can't possibly. He wonders if he's getting less convincing at hiding it as the hours and days pass by and his resolve slips to somewhere down around his ankles.

The girls pass the bottle back and forth between them several more times, getting louder and more inappropriate as the minutes tick off. It's actually quite comforting pressed between the two of them. Their rare blend of dysfunctional surprisingly grounding and real amid weeks of barely contained chaos and panic.

“Alex?”

“Hey, evilspawn. Rise and shine-”

“Cristina.” The admonishment is slurred slightly, testament to their liquor consumption.

He opens eyes he hadn't even realised were closed and blinks to bring the images into focus.

“Hey, you need to take these before you go to sleep...”

He tries to murmur his disagreement, too relaxed to shift enough to get the medication down.

And more than a little afraid that the movement will only serve to release the fragile hold he's managed to maintain on the pain so far.

But Meredith is nothing if not persistent. And he knows from experience that she won't let him sleep without taking the damn pills first and he's already concluded that all his fight is still a stain on the conference room carpet back at Seattle Grace.

Along with most of his dignity and a fair chunk of his self respect.

He takes the proffered pills diligently, bounces them in his palm several times in an effort to wrest back some semblance of control before accepting the water bottle that has appeared from no where, lid already removed.

“You'd have made a good mom, you know?”

“Take the pills and go to sleep, Alex...”

“Yeah, evilspawn. Take the pills and go to sleep. We have half a bottle left to finish and no offense but... you take up way too much space in this bed.”

“I am so having dreams where you two are naked in my bed tonight. You should know that. That you'll be naked in my dreams. I'll see... stuff...” He's drifting again. And it's getting harder to remember how to move his tongue to enunciate sounds and he's not even really sure what it is he wants to say anymore...

“Good night, Alex.” The parroted sound is oddly comforting and he can't help the ghosted smirk his lips curve into as he finally gives up his half hearted fight to stay awake.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, you *did* imagine that naked Alex on top was part of the prompt, but naked Alex on top should be a part of ALL fics!

The MerTina banter amused me so much.

Alex's "I am so having dreams where you two are naked in my bed tonight. You should know that." LOLOLOL

I love seeing Cristina and Alex written as being able to semi stand each other because they really have reached a level of friendship I never expected them to when the show began. It doesn't get written enough in fics IMO.

As for my prompt eating your brain......MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *burp*

:)

but naked Alex on top (OF ME) should be a part of ALL fics!

I blame

nursebadass for that particular train of thought!

Thank you! And I'm glad you liked the Alex/Cristina interaction. I definitely think they've reached a level of understanding and common ground that is way above what I thought would happen. I think circumstance has lead to a lot of it, but it's awesome nonetheless.

Thanks for the prompt, lady! LOVED IT!

You're welcome!

These days I'm more full of prompts than writing muse.

Though I *am* inspired to fulfill one of your alphabet prompts...

Though I *am* inspired to fulfill one of your alphabet prompts...

OH! *fist pump*

I feel like gettin' down (like JC appers to be doing in your icon! Either that or he punches with his eyes closed...)

He's getting jiggy with it!

It's that time in the morning where I fangirl you!

This so good, character perfect, and the dialogue is great, I don't know what you were worried about.

It makes my heart hurt (which is just a testiment to how great it is) because of how...accepting they are of how much everything sucks.

And there's so many amazing little character moments in it...the struggle to move to the bed stands out as a huge one, but the whole first paragraph is just so perfectly Alex.

Sigh.

Brilliant.

Thank you for your kind words re. the dialogue. It still doesn't feel natural to me when I'm writing it, but I'm trying hard to make it work!

And yeah, I'm glad it made your heart hurt (in a good way) because that sense of 'we are so screwed up that joking about miscarriages and relationship break ups and almost bleeding to death is nothing worse than we've had to go through before' is definitely what I was going for. Because seriously? Between the three of them? ISSUES! Many, many issues!

Oh, so cute...while also pensive with a hint of angst underlying the whole thing. This: Their rare blend of dysfunctional surprisingly grounding and real amid weeks of barely contained chaos and panic. That and all the Mer-Cris dialogue, and Alex's drugged-up, pain-befuddled narrative. Fabulous.

Ohhhhh, I thought of something...if you want another prompt to add to your very long list. On the Alex-Meredith-Cristina subject, something I'd really like to see is a story addressing the fact that Meredith and Cristina really weren't good friends to Alex when Izzie left him - he had some good scenes with Reed getting to see the vulnerability behind the attitude and being sympathetic and supportive, but those scenes would have carried more weight with someone he had an established relationship with. Do Mere/Cris even know that Izzie walking out was 100% her issue and he did absolutely nothing to deserve it (Cristina, certainly, seemed to hold him responsible for Izzie missing her treatment)? Did they notice how badly he was hurt by it and how hard he found it to pick up the pieces and carry on, living in limbo? Yeah, I'd like to see something that addresses all that.

Crap, I gotta stop rambling on when I think of potential prompts!

You know what I'd be interested to read?

Alex admitting to the others that Izzie tried to apologise and wanted so desperately to come back but he basically told her he'd moved on and to get lost and to never come back...

In the face of Meredith allowing Derek to blackmail her in order to get Izzie back in the program I think this revelation would be very interesting. And I think I'm waaay too much a fan of Izzie to write it in a way that makes it look like everything was her fault because I don't actually believe it myself. I don't think it was Alex's fault, but I definitely don't think it was 100% Izzie's either so... you actually might NOT want me to write this fic!!! Especially if you aren't too fond of Izzie!

Heh, any prompt that tickles a muse can be twisted anyway the writer chooses - it's all about tossing ideas at a wall and seeing what sticks, no? *G*

And yeah, there are two sides to every story and Izzie certainly has hers. Walking out without a word and choosing not to respond to calls, leaving Alex hanging for months, that was on her, though. I'd like to know how much Meredith and/or Cristina understand about all that, since the friendship between them really wasn't shown in those episodes. Alex then telling Izzie to leave when she did finally come back, that was on him, it's true. I understand why he did it, why he couldn't let her back in after treating him like that for so long...but we know he regrets it now, and Izzie's side of it wasn't really shown (and none of it happened as it would have had Katharine Heigl not left the show so abruptly), so...

Whatever tickles your muse!

Edited 2010-06-29 05:49 (UTC)

it's all about tossing ideas at a wall and seeing what sticks, no? *G* Sure is! And I appreciate all the help I can get in the ideas department...

Walking out without a word and choosing not to respond to calls, leaving Alex hanging for months, that was on her, though. Yeah it was on her. But I also think a fair proportion of it was completely circumstance based. I mean, the girl had just survived a cancer less than 5% of people ever make it through. She'd died and been resuscitated. She'd had poison dripped into her veins by way of treatment. She'd had brain surgery (and as a clinical psychologist who focuses on neuropsych. this is particularly relevant to me). Her best friend had just been killed in the worst possible circumstances. Her husband had definitely been exuding the 'oh shit, you didn't die what do we do now?' vibe. She'd been fired from her job. And not just any job. A job that has cost her thousands of dollars and a bazillion years of study to get to. She has a strained at best relationship with her mother. She was given the impression by the chief that Alex had ultimately led to her firing...

There was just so much more than her chucking a hissy fit and leaving going on... (in my opinion of course).

And also, don't forget that Izzie did actually return Alex's calls in 'I saw what I saw' which was the very next episode and he had to terminate the call because he had to help with the smoke inhalation woman.

But, oh man. Really? I could defend her all night so I'm gonna stop now!

Oh yeah, I get Izzie's reasons for leaving, I really do. But like I said, they were her issues, up to and including jumping to conclusions about Alex based on half a conversation. And then because she left, we are automatically excluded from her perspective on what happened next.

It's the impact on the group dynamic I'm interested in, the people left behind, because it really wasn't shown and yet had great potential for storyline and character development. We saw Alex telling Mer and Cris that Izzie left him and he didn't know why, and then...nothing, not in terms of group dynamic. When the relationship between that group of original interns started out as the key group dynamic of the show, is one of the oldest and most established relationships the show has. We saw Alex off on his own, fretting and pining, and slowly learning that he was capable of being without Izzie and not self-destructing - and it's in character for him to want to lick his wounds in private rather than turn to anyone for support. It's also in character for Mer and Cris to give him that space, because they don't do touchy-feely. Fair enough. But there are so many blank spaces in that story - months going by when as a group of friends they have pretty much no interaction with each other at all to know how anyone is reacting to Izzie's departure.

What we did see, Meredith and Cristina mostly seemed to be on Izzie's side. Which, again, is fair enough. She's their friend, they've seen her go through hell. But what we don't know is how they have interpreted her departure. They know Izzie well, they've seen her flip out in the past. But they also know Alex well, have seen him self-destruct in the past. So what do they think? What's the most automatic assumption - that Izzie has flipped out for reasons of her own, or that Alex has done something to push her over the edge? Their attitude often suggests that they suspect the latter, but we simply aren't shown enough to know for sure. In that episode where Izzie doesn't show up for her cancer treatment, Cristina really lays into Alex about it, as if it's his fault - how much of that is genuine blame-laying and how much misdirected anxiety? Again, we aren't shown, not least because the storyline choice for that episode was to have Reed be the one to see Alex slowly fall apart over it. And I get the reasons for that, in terms of storytelling - the writers needed to establish the Mercy Westers, needed them to form connections with the existing cast, wanted to explore potential new relationships. But it would have resonated so much more, in terms of existing relationships, if the Cristina-Alex angle had been pursued through that storyline instead. No?

I'm rambling and have forgotten my original point! Mostly, I think, I was trying to say that yes, Izzie's side is valid, but it was the group dynamic and what Meredith and Cristina made of it all that interested me, as the ones left behind - that they chose mostly to side with the friend who left rather than the friend left behind, whose pain they actually had right there in front of them. And the fact that I doubt either of them ever knew the full story - and maybe never will.

Does that make sense?

Edited 2010-06-29 09:44 (UTC)

OMG! I just wrote this totally detailed reply (in which I probably made little to no sense but... not the point!) and LJ ATE IT!!!

Gah. It went a little something like this...

I agree with everything you said in paragraph one.

I don't know that I'd place quite as much emphasis as you seem to be on the five interns as a 'relationship'. As a group yes, definitely. But I think it was circimstance more than anything that threw them together and they fought it a lot of the time. Alex and George barely tolerated each other. Cristina barely tolerated anyone but Meredith for most of the previous seasons. Even Izzie and Alex had their moments. I always got the impression that they were more together out of circumstance than any form of desire or mutual respect or like or any of those things... Cris and Mer were BFFs and George, Izzie and Mer all lived together and Izzie and Alex were on again off again lovers. Therefore they all ended up interacting with each other.

Paragraph three? Umm... I think Mere was in contact with Izzie. She knew where she was and when she was coming back etc. Also, I really liked Reed so I liked that arc a lot and actually hoped they'd hook up. And Cristina was off dealing with all her boyfriend drama. And I never got the impression that Alex was 'falling apart'. Resigned to his 'here we go again' fate yes, but not 'falling apart'.

And I have no idea if there was anything else! Or if this is even what I said the first time around! I'm gonna save this before I hit send!!

Mostly though, thanks for the discussion! I really like having the opportunity to examine things a little more fully so that was pretty awesome. And if you have more to say, then please feel free!

thanks for the discussion! I really like having the opportunity to examine things a little more fully so that was pretty awesome. And if you have more to say, then please feel free!
I feel kinda bad for hijacking your journal - most of my opinions on this show are far from fully-formed, mostly because I'm just re-discovering it after a break and haven't let myself write all my thoughts out in order to make sense of them. Discussion, even in the wrong place, helps me think!

I don't know that I'd place quite as much emphasis as you seem to be on the five interns as a 'relationship'. As a group yes, definitely.
It was the group dynamic that I meant. Every one of those characters has a relationship with the rest, to some degree or other, as individuals who interact on a more or less daily basis). Some of the individual relationships within that group are very close, while others are more antagonistic, others still more indirect...but they do have an overall group dynamic. It ebbs and flows and shifts and twists over the seasons, but remains more or less intact throughout, once established. As a group, they generally always end up coming back together (if only to sit together at lunch and rag on one another, or if only because they have friends in common), precisely because they were thrown together by circumstance, went through their internship together and as a result feel at least some form of kinship, as peers, that separates them as a group from the rest of their colleagues - like the team metaphor Alex used in the wake of Denny's death. The class of whatever year it was. That kind of group mentality is just another form of relationship, and the interactions within it, both positive and negative, can be fascinating - that ebb and flow I talked about before. We saw them (at least to some extent) react to George's death both as individuals and as a group. Izzie leaving, though, was very different - fragmented the group far more, so to speak. (I would say that they are now reduced from a group to a pair of friendships: Meredith-Cristina and Meredith-Alex, except that Alex and Cristina do have a grudging kind of almost-friendship dynamic of their own, so technically the group remains, merely much reduced).

Mostly, it was just the storytelling - Mer and Cris both had their own stories going on and thus their reactions to the Izzie storyline remained tangential at best, the emphasis of the show being on romantic relationships rather than platonic or professional. We get occasional references (both say that Izzie isn't returning their calls either - Meredith having contact with Izzie comes later), but no real insight into what they really thought about it all. Izzie was a big part of their lives for quite a long time. They have to have had an opinion on what happened. There just wasn't room within the crowded cast and numerous ongoing storylines for the story of Izzie's disappearance and its full impact on those around her to be explored in any real detail. Which is a storytelling issue.

But then again, I've only seen these episodes the once, so may be remembering it all wrong! I may change my mind completely when I rewatch...

Edited 2010-06-29 14:57 (UTC)

I guess what I meant with saying I only think of them as a group of people as opposed to a group of good friends was that I totally wasn't surprised by the lack of reaction shown from Cris and Mere (well, especially not Cris). I think they're the two most self centred characters on the show and they both had other things going on and I would absolutely believe that neither of them actually gave him much of a thought at all...

I guess what I'm saying is... I'm more interested in their reactions NOW. Now that he almost died and they may have to question their 'feelings' for him. Like... retrospective examination as opposed to actually going back to the beginning of season five and looking at what they were thinking then... because I sincerely believe they were mostly thinking about themselves!

Eh, I never said they were a group of good friends. ;-) I said they were a defined peer group with diverse internal dynamics – and that they do frequently choose to socialise, despite not being good friends. The show has a bunch of such groupings, fluid and flexible and overlapping as they often are, but those five original interns were the first of those groupings, and the dynamics within that group fascinate me precisely because they aren't all BFFs, or whatever. They are all so very different, thrown together by circumstance, and half the time they don't even like each other that much, but they remain connected, by circumstance and by each other (well, mostly by Meredith, because the one thing they all have in common is their friendship with Meredith. Which is a whole 'nother subject in itself). And as self-involved as they all are, nonetheless the pattern through the show is that when something happens to one of them, the others notice – if it is really bad, they hang around and watch and fret, if it is more minor they gossip and speculate among themselves (by which I don't mean that all their attention revolves around this thing, because it never does, but that it generally pings on their radar enough that we know that they know about it and have an opinion about it and what that opinion is, however much it is a mere aside to whatever is going on with them personally). That doesn't happen with the Alex-Izzie separation, it breaks pattern (maybe because there are too few of them left for old patterns to continue, maybe because of who those few are, maybe because of how the season is structured).

Both Meredith and Cristina have an established connection with both parties. When Alex finds out that Izzie has left him, he goes straight to Meredith. Cristina is there at the time, so they both see his reaction, which is shocked and heartbroken. Ordinarily, you'd expect that to be followed up at least by some kind of dialogue on the subject, albeit a throwaway snippet of conversation as part of a wider discussion about something else, just because people like to talk about each other, especially people at this hospital!

"Have you heard from Izzie?"
"No, have you?"
"Nothing."
"What the hell is all that even about, anyway?"
"Alex says he doesn't know."
"Yeah, right. It's Alex. He must have done something."
"I don't know. He just seems really confused."
"Whatever. She'd better be back before her IL2 next week."

Something like that. Or an observation that they have heard that she was fired and can't blame her for flipping out about it – tie it back in to the ongoing cut backs and Meredith's earlier fears about losing one of her people, which has now happened. Instead we are given the information that neither Meredith nor Cristina have heard from Izzie, because we need that information for the storyline to progress, but we aren't given insight into what either of them thinks about it (and they've both been caught up in Izzie's drama enough times to have an opinion on this latest), because as far as that story is concerned they are plot devices rather than active players, having issues and storylines of their own to focus on. Which I get, I understand how and why it is played that way, but my gripe with that kind of disjointed storytelling is that however self-involved the various characters are, and however separate their storylines, it doesn't take all that much to join the dots between those discrete storylines and in so doing reinforce that all these things are meant to be going on at the same time within a fairly closed community.

…what the hell was my original point, anyway? Oh yeah, just that there are gaps in the storyline – in a lot of the storylines – that could have been interesting to explore. That was all. I agree that as far as fanfic goes it would be more interesting to explore retrospectively from post-season than anything else. The concept just got all caught up in my perpetually mixed feelings toward the way this show is structured, narratively!

Crap, I am way, way too wordy, so had to switch this to a separate comment - I'm really sorry!

I never got the impression that Alex was 'falling apart'. Resigned to his 'here we go again' fate yes, but not 'falling apart'.
I meant in that one episode specifically, where we do see Alex falling apart, in the moment, because he thinks Izzie has given up on her cancer treatment. The rest of the time, yes, he's more resigned than anything else. But he really does hit a nadir in that moment when Reed comes to see him in Oncology and he has to admit that Izzie isn't coming for her treatment, which hooks into his fear of her dying. With Izzie gone, really speaking, Meredith and Cristina (well, Cristina more by default than anything) are the only two people left that he can really be said to be in any way close to, but neither got to see anything like that reaction, revealing as it was. Which is valid, it was shown to happen in front of Reed for a reason. But I think what I was getting at was how interesting would it have been if someone who knew him much better than Reed had been allowed to see it instead, had gone through that episode (or one like it) with him. As it was, barely anyone who actually knew them as a couple ever said a word to him about Izzie's leaving or how he was dealing with it - he might not have welcomed such advances, but it would have made for smoother ensemble storytelling. Which, I think, is mostly what I'm trying to get at here, the choppy nature of the storytelling and the holes that result from it, ripe for exploration (to mix a metaphor).

I quite liked the Reed arc as well, such as it was, but...well, see above re: cast/storyline crowding! Would far rather have kept her than April, really speaking, but such is life.

I think that if Mere or Cris had been going through that situation with him (which would have felt oddly fake anyway because neither of them are into that 'supportive' kind of role) then Alex probably would have acted very differently. He's well practiced at being an ass in front of them. That is was Reed was an integral part of his inability to put the walls up in my opinion. She'd seen through him in the space of a couple of weeks. Mere and Cris hadn't managed to do that in the space of several years...

someone who knew him much better than Reed

I'd argue that neither Cris nor Mere really knew him all that much better than Reed. At least, not at that stage. In fact, I'd go so far as to argue that Reed had, in the space of a couple of weeks, been able to learn more about him than Mere and Cris had bothered to do in the YEARS that they had known him. And yeah, her fact finding was borne of a desire to get in his pants... but at least she bothered.

The fact that she wanted to get into his pants gave the whole thing a reality that I think would have been lacking had it been Cris that he cried in front of. Because I don't think I could take a scene seriously where he did that

I also wish they'd kept Reed. I think Mark and Lexie will ultimately end up back together and we all know that a character with no significant other is also a character with no screen time... I could have handled a Reed/Alex hook up but there is no way they'll pair him with April (unless she gets a personality transplant!).

I actually really like April. I just don't like her for Alex!

Maybe they'll shove him with Teddy... *gag* (not that I can really bitch too much about that because I did write Alex/Teddy once...!)

I kinda think we're talking almost at cross purposes here, which is my fault for not being terribly articulate. Wanting to just swap Reed for Meredith or Cristina wasn't my point – that totally would have changed the way the whole thing would have played out, although I do think that the interaction and the different reaction brought about by a different dynamic would still have been interesting and meaningful (and would really like for someone who is still alive to at least know something of the turmoil Alex went through as a result of Izzie leaving him, just because it's depressing to think that he was that miserable for that many months and nobody noticed or made any effort to reach out except Reed, who was a stranger – heck, Bailey played a huge part in bringing about that marriage, but barely acknowledged its demise, for eg).

I think I finally put my finger on what it is about that storyline and that episode that pinged me me. It's the fact that Cristina's part in it gets no pay-off. The fact that she has an established connection with Izzie and Alex – more than that, has an investment in Izzie's health – is used as a set-up for Alex and Reed's storyline, exposition regarding Izzie's IL2 appointment, but there's then no follow-through on her part. So, we are shown that Cristina is concerned about whether or not Izzie will show up for the appointment, but can't tackle Izzie herself about it, since Izzie's vanishing act is the root of the problem, so she goes to Alex and dumps it on him instead. Fair enough. We then follow Alex through the episode, and the storyline is used to progress both his and Reed's arcs, and it works well for both characters. But having established that Cristina is concerned about Izzie too, there's no pay-off on that angle. She moves off into her own storyline and as far as I can recall there's no follow-up at all, she never gets to react to the news that Izzie hasn't come for her treatment. And however small a part it might have played in her overall concerns that day (which mostly revolved around adult diapers!), that's a reaction I'd have been interested to see, given the history the various characters concerned have with one another – both the good and the bad. That's all. Again, just another gap in the overall storyline that isn't terribly important, but might have been potentially interesting to explore.

Loose threads are common on the show. Some times that doesn't matter. Some times it pings me.

Alex and Cristina have an interesting dynamic. They are mostly connected by their mutual friendship with Meredith. Their relationship is more antagonistic than anything else. But they do have odd moments of connection over the course of the show – like that scene at the beginning of S4 where they admit to each other that they are missing Burke and Ava. It's a tiny, throwaway scene, a small moment in each of their days. It doesn't change anything about the relationship that they have, they are never going to be BFFs, but I love that the show allowed them to have that moment, and others like it – small, quiet moments in which they connect and are able to share some kind of mutual understanding, and then move on. Moments like that – not just between those two characters, but in other minor character dynamics – add layers of depth to a relationship that would otherwise be almost completely one-note. The show doesn't throw them in all that often, not for any of the characters, really, being focused mostly on bang-crash romantic drama, but when it does do it, those are the scenes that really shine.

So, what I'm saying…what am I saying? That I fully appreciate the role Reed played in that episode and why. But that I am always hungry for moments in which the core cast connect with one another in some way, however fleeting those moments – and regret any opportunity for such that is passed by. I like the diversity of character interaction that is made possible by an ensemble cast, and like to see it explored fully.

My god, I'm wordy. I'm going to shut up on this subject now, since I no longer know what I'm talking about, and thinking aloud is cluttering up your journal. I liked your new story, btw.

Yeah, because I can't do cute without at least some degree of angst!

Thank you and I'm glad that you liked this.

lovely scene

although the naughty in me would love to see a threesome of these peeps when alex is feeling a little more up to it! :)

Haha, I was so tempted to have Alex say to Cris

"Wanna make out?"

And for her to surprise him and actually start shoving her tongue down his throat while Meredith watches...

But I'd been really trying to keep them in character and I just can't see Cristina doing that... or... maybe I can?! If I squint!

well in your story, you did what was right...... for the moment, the mood, the scene. i totally get what you painted.

i, on the other hand, lol, am working on a mer/alex piece (le gasp!) and have done 1 -2 yang/karev's <-- their snark is classic, they'd eat each other alive, in a good way.

Ha, yeah. I've totally written me some Mer/Alex and some Alex/Cristina. They are exceedingly dysfunctional and hot when paired together!! (Although, I'm useless at writting porn, so usually I imply it's happened and tip toe around the need to include any actual description of the dirty deed! Haha!)

And I can't WAIT for your Mer/Alex to emerge!

I think interaction between these three (any combination really) is my favorite. And you write it brilliantly. I especially loved Meredith and Cristina talking over each other trying to explain why they were there, and Alex's dreams. Mostly because I could totally go for that threesome ;)

This was fabulous hun! I am so glad to see you writing so much!

I could totally go for that threesome too... and the original version of this actually had Alex saying to Cris "Wanna make out?" And Cris surprising him by shoving her tongue down his throat while Meredith watched... but when it came down to it, I just couldn't go through with it!

Anyway, thank you!

(icon choice to complete the circle...)

I loved this. I love Alex sandwiched in between Christina & Meredith, they're all dysfunctional and I love that he finds it comforting. That seems so true. They're probably the only two who won't tip-toe around him and he'll definitely find comfort in that. They understand him. They're his people. Thanks so much for writing this.

Thank you! I'm really glad that you liked this. They are all so dysfunctional in a completely functional way (especially when they're all together).

This makes me want to take care of hurt, high on prescription pain killers Alex sooooo much, 'cause even though he's sad, he's SO FUCKING CUTE. I adore how you write him, it's so perfect.

Also,
He's greeted with one smile and one smirk and he responds in the only way he knows how.

"Duuuude.

I lol'd. :)

♥

This makes me want to take care of hurt, high on prescription pain killers Alex sooooo much, 'cause even though he's sad, he's SO FUCKING CUTE.
*sigh* you and me both...!

Thank you!! Glad I could make you laugh!! And when are you gonna write some more fic??!

I really enjoyed this. Angsty but so much fun, too. All the banter among the Fab3 is so fitting to them here. Awesome as usual.

Angsty but fun is totally what I was going for, so yay!

Thank you!!

Another late response. *looks innocent*

Amazing. ♥ These three are perfect together.

Thank you!!!

I love the dynamic between Mere/Alex/Cris, you did a fabulous job writing this.

Thank you! Glad you liked it.

And yeah, plenty of awesome-ness between those three...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

fic: we were the victims of ourselves... (Alex, Meredith & Cristina)

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