Fic: Don't Even Want To Talk About It (Alex)

[waltzmatildah]

Title: Keeping Secrets (Chapter Eleven)

Word Count: 1600

Rating: Probably some naughty words but nothing more…I’m saving it all for the next chapter.

Story Summary: Another intern stumbles upon something from Alex’s past.

Chapter Summary: Addison pays a visit.

XXXX

Addison told herself she waited two whole days before going to see Alex after he’d been discharged because she knew he would need to rest, because she didn’t want to overwhelm him, because she didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. Reality was a totally different story. She felt like she was back in high school and silently wished for her best friend in year nine, Rebecca to suddenly appear and offer to drop off a ‘do you like me? A = yes, B = no’ note scrawled on a torn piece of scrap paper.

She’d visited Alex in the hospital on a handful of occasions, each time armed with a convenient excuse for her appearance.

Patients are asking after you…said to say hi…

Mrs. Johnson delivered the twins with no complications…thought you’d like to know…

Baby Curtis is finally being discharged…his Dad says thanks for all that you did…

Plausible reasons.

She had absolutely no plausible reason to turn up on his doorstep.

Yet here she was.

He’d been friendly, pleasant if somewhat distant during the time she had spent with him while he’d been in the hospital though through conversations she’d had with Izzie and even Dr. Bailey about him she’d gathered the distance was something everyone had noticed. While she sympathised to a certain extent regarding what it felt like to have the entire hospital gossiping about your private life she knew her situation was completely different to his and she also expected that she had been better equipped to deal with it.

As well as the small fact that she hadn’t deliberately overdosed and ended up unconscious on the ER floor.

Addison shuddered slightly at the memory of Derek’s rushed phone call and the 4am page she’d received that had almost frozen her blood.

Before allowing another thought to form she raised her fist and knocked twice, confident and assertive.

Trembling and tentative.

When, approximately sixty seconds later, there still appeared to be no movement behind the door she raised her pointer finger and stabbed at the doorbell she had initially ignored. Doorbells had always seemed too intrusive and impersonal. She only used them as a last resort.

When this again seemed to illicit no response she resigned herself to the fact that all her misplaced panic had been for nothing and turned to beat a hasty retreat. She had descended two of the steps when she heard the door behind her creak open before a muffled Addison had her spinning back on her heel.

‘Alex…hey…sorry to disturb you…I just wanted…’

What? What the hell did she want? He looked like he’d just woken up, dressed in grey sweats and a black t-shirt, hair dishevelled, unshaven…rugged.

Jesus.

‘Did I wake you?’

‘Uhhh, I don’t really know…which probably means yes.’

He flashed her a smile, all perfect, white teeth and sheepish embarrassment.

Addison, get a grip.

‘You wanna come in?’

‘Uh, only if you’re not busy. I just came to see how you were doing.’

‘Okay, so let me re-phrase that…you can only come in if you promise not to ask me how I am, I’m fine…there I’ll tell you now so you don’t even need to ask…’

Despite the fact his lips curled back into a smile it didn’t even reach half way to his eyes. Addison knew there was a large degree of hidden seriousness in his request.

‘Okay…I’ll ahhh, try my best…but just so you know, you don’t look fine…’

Well, you do look fine but not fine fine if you know what I mean…

‘…so I may choose not to believe you and ask anyway…’

‘Hmmm…’ Alex narrowed his eyes at her, as if weighing up his options, before stepping back into the hall and opening the door wider, a silent invitation.

She shrugged out of her jacket and draped it over the back of a chair as Alex indicated for her to follow him into the kitchen.

‘You want a coffee or something? I’m gonna have one…’

She nodded that she would and watched him as he set about preparing the drinks. He’d obviously lost weight, that much she could tell without having to ask. There was a dark, round bruise on the back of his right hand where he’d had the cannula inserted and then re-inserted.

‘So how’s things at the hospital? Have I missed anything exciting?’

The sudden question snapped Addison from her reverie and although he didn’t turn around she couldn’t help but feel caught out as a pink flush rose on her cheeks.

‘Nothing too exciting, just the usual really, babies, babies and more babies…’

He turned then and placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of her.

‘Harry Potter?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow at the motif on the side of her cup.

‘Not me, Izzie and even then I don’t think she’s read it…or seen any of the movies for that matter.’

‘So…how’s it been since you moved in here? Not too much oestrogen for you? I’d have thought you’d have got enough of that at the hospital.’

‘Nah, they’re okay. Mostly harmless.’

He raised his eyes but not his head, staring up at her through long, black lashes.

‘I think.’

You think?

Addison eyed an ancient blood pressure monitor placed on one side of the kitchen table and inclined her head in its direction.

‘They been using that on you?’

‘Don’t even get me started on that freakin’ thing. Would you believe Meredith used to use it on her dolls?’

‘Actually, yeah I would,’ Addison laughed, ‘I once told Derek she was the perfect twelve year old.’

‘Well now Izzie attacks me with it every chance she gets, reckons my blood pressure’s too low…’

‘Is it?’

Alex’s eyes flew up to meet hers before dropping quickly back to his coffee with a shrug of his shoulders.

‘Alex?’

‘What?’

Addison rolled her eyes.

‘Is is?’

‘I dunno…maybe.’

‘Have you told anyone?’

‘What, you mean besides my live in nurse and her trusty side kick?’

‘Like your cardiologist? Like Dr. Burke?’

His took a slurping sip of coffee, which was answer enough for Addison.

‘I’ll take that as a no then.’

Alex slid the now empty coffee cup away and lowered his forehead and elbows to the counter top, interlocking his fingers on the back of his neck. Addison could hear him sigh deeply.

‘Alex, believe it or not there are people around here that care about you.

He raised his head til he was resting on his chin and looked up at Addison, sighing again.

‘I know…it’s just…I’m not really used to it and it’s all been a bit much…plus everyone at the hospital seems to be talking about me like I’m some kind of helpless puppy that needs looking after, which is crap ‘coz I can look after myself. You must know how much it sucks to have the whole hospital gossiping about you…’

‘Alex, I’m not even going to pretend that what I went through is anything like what you’re going through right now.’

‘I’m not going through anything…I’m fine.’

‘Alex…’

He rubbed his hands over his rough face, Addison could hear the skin of his palms scrape against his unshaven cheeks. When he looked back at her his eyes were bright and he swallowed thickly.

‘Have you talked to anyone yet? Did they make you an appointment to talk to someone?’

He seemed to hesitate momentarily before nodding his head once.

‘How did it go?’

He shrugged his shoulders and Addison felt a sudden urge to pull handfuls of her own hair out, which was saying something because she loved her hair.

She slid her hands across the table and placed them over his in a gesture that was meant to be comforting and reassuring.

‘You don’t know how it went? When was it?’

Alex snapped his hands out of her reach and sat back in his chair, face stony and guarded. He glanced over at a large ornate clock on the kitchen wall and without turning back to Addison spoke again.

‘Should be finished in ten minutes.’

‘Should be what?’ Addison was momentarily confused.

‘Oh…’

He shrugged his shoulders again, lost.

‘Why didn’t you go?’

‘Didn’t have anything to say.’

‘You don’t think it would help to talk to someone about it?’

‘About what? I told you I don’t have anything to say, no freakin’ shrink is going to be able to change what’s already happened so what’s the point paying hundreds of dollars to talk about it.’

He slid his chair back abruptly, the wooden feet scraping harshly against the linoleum floor, then stood and began pacing the length of the kitchen like a caged animal, the sound of his bare feet counting out his steps.

‘Have you at least talked to your parents? What about siblings? You know HCM is genetic, they’ll need to be tested.’

‘Addison.’

His tone was warning, defensive and his face had lost all colour causing Addison’s thoughts to flick suddenly to Izzie’s blood pressure worries.

‘Alex, just sit back down.’

He continued pacing, appearing not to hear her. She stood and rounded the table to stand in his way.

‘Alex, sit back down.’

‘I’m not calling him.’

‘Not calling who? Alex, really…just sit back down, please?’

He stepped around her and out into the hallway.

‘My father, I’m not calling him.’

‘Why not? Don’t you want him to get checked out?’

Stunned, Addison had followed him out of the kitchen and across the hall into the adjacent living room where he was continuing to pace agitatedly. Addison wasn’t sure where this had all gone so wrong.

‘I’m not calling him, you can’t make me.’

‘Nobody’s going to make you do anything Alex, I promise, now please sit down.’

He seemed to stop all of a sudden, almost collapsing onto the worn sofa. Resolve depleted, defeated.

‘I’m not calling him.’

Comments

[purplebarbies.livejournal.com]

so i left a comment then i accidently deleted it so i hope u dont get this twice!!


i just read this fic. like all of it, all 11 chapters in one go, and i love it alot! so i hope you keep on writing and update soon. yay.
cool to see someone else from our part of the world, (im from nz, keep crowded house...dont want 'em hahahaa), means updates in the daytime which is nice ;-)

[waltzmatildah.livejournal.com]

I don't care where the pavolva comes from, i just wanna EAT IT! Yum.

Glad you liked my story, can't believe you read all 11 chapters in one go, it's pretty long, even for a fanfic! And I know what you mean about the time difference!

Where in NZ are you from? I've been to the Sth Island only.

[purplebarbies.livejournal.com]

yeah i think it look about an hour, and im a really fast reader!
im in Auckland, where in aus are you?

[waltzmatildah.livejournal.com]

Nope, didn't make it to Auckland. I'm from Tassie (which is lots like the Sth Island if you haven't been here but have been there...)